we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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