Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
