Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
