I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
