Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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