Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize