if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
