What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
