just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize