On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
