i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
