she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm really busy with my period
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