let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
