I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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