drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
