some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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