i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
