She even gives head with a lisp.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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