I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
