That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
