Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
someone owes me an orgasm
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
