yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
