She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
