i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
