Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
