so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
