If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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