i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
