Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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