CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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