If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
