Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
