its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
