I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
