just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
