miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
