So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
