Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
