please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
