I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
