I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
