And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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