My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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