But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
