Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
