Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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