yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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