Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize