we're making bets on your personal life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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