He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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