when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
