It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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