I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
