apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
