They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
