It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
