i barfeds in our rink
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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