I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
