no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
