Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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