I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
