I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
