my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
