I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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