I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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