It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
