this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
