I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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