The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
