White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize