Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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