The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize