Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
