Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
