is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
