I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize