It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I licked your asshole in confidence.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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