Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
