im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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