I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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