it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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