My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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